A young preacher who had just graduated from seminary was about to preach his first sermon, and it was on the subject of parenting. So, he entitled his sermon “The 10 Commandments of Parenting”. 

A few years later, he got married, had his first child, and gained a little understanding about the difficulties of parenting. When he preached the sermon again, he had a new title: “10 Suggestions for Parenting”. 

After he had his second child, he preached the sermon again. This time, the title was “10 Hints on Parenting”. 

And when he had his third child, the title became “10 Prayers for Parenting”. 

Finally, when his children grew up to be teenagers, his title was “Help me, Jesus!”

Parenting is really hard! I have been a parent now for 11 years and I’m not an expert by any means. But don’t worry. In this article, you won’t be learning from me; you’ll be learning from the Word of God.

“Gospelizing” Your Child

In my previous article “How to Raise Pagan Children”, I described a negative example we must strive to avoid: How do you raise a child who doesn’t want God, doesn’t know God, doesn’t love God. 

In this article, we will look at a positive example, one we must strive to follow: What does it mean to “gospelize” your child?

Now, I know there’s no such word as “gospelize”. You give the gospel. You teach the gospel, but what does “gospelize” mean? 

To me, it means raising our children in a gospel-saturated environment, so that perhaps the gospel will stick; it means trusting that God will use our five loaves and two fishes—our humble and limited efforts—and work in the hearts of our children.

Provide Your Children with Spiritual Main Meals

I want to remind parents that “gospelizing” is our job. The responsibility to help your children get the gospel is not the church’s job. 

The church can play its part but the responsibility, according to the Bible, is laid squarely upon your shoulders (Ephesians 6:4). 

What Sunday School does is like supplements. You can’t survive on supplements alone. You need regular main meals. Parents, your job is to provide your children with spiritual main meals, and they need to be nutritious.

When God spoke about Abraham, He said, “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord” (Genesis 18:19). 

Real salvation is about a life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ.

God’s will was for Abraham to teach his children and his household. And in Deuteronomy 6:6–7, we read: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.” We as parents are to teach our children what it means to love God.

Acts 2:39 tells us, “The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off”. Often, we think about global missions as a man leaving his family and crossing the seas to deliver the gospel to unknown tribes. That’s great! But often, we miss the middle part of the verse. Missions begins at home, where you are to teach your children the gospel.

But how do we do that? How do you and I give the gospel to our kids? 

I know what it means to teach them Mathematics. I know what it means to send them for tuition. But, how do I give them the gospel? Let me suggest four ways.

1. Give Them the Gospel Through Discipline

First, we can give the gospel to our children via discipline. Discipline can be very painful. But it can be a wonderful opportunity to impart the gospel.

We have all experienced discipline in our lives. And the Bible tells us discipline is absolutely necessary because we are not born good. We are not born holy. We are born sinners (Psalm 51:5). 

We are conceived in sin, rebellion, and folly, all of which are bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15). And according to the Bible, God disciplines his children, so that they will bear the fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11). We should do the same.

When I was younger, I was disciplined by my parents. We were quite naughty, my sister and I. 

And when we did something wrong, my parents would call us into the room to be punished. My sister would run away, but I was different. I wanted to get it over and done with. 

From such unpleasant experiences, I learned what “wrong” was. I learned that when I did something wrong, when I disobeyed my parents, there would be painful consequences. That’s what discipline is about.

But after I became a Christian, after studying the Bible, and after becoming a parent myself and understanding a little more about children, I realised that while my childhood experience was good in some ways, it needed to be accompanied by two other principles.

Principle 1: A Strong Assurance of Parental Love

The discipline process must be accompanied by a strong assurance of parental love. Your kids need to know that you punish them not because you hate them, not because you are frustrated with them, inconvenienced by them, or impatient with them, but because you love them.

When I was punished as a child, my parents would say, “If you do this, I won’t love you anymore.” 

They conditioned me to think that my performance would earn their favour, and vice versa. I’ve since learnt how important it is for your kids to understand that when you discipline them for doing something wrong, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore.

When you discipline your kids, ensure as much as possible that you settle your own emotions first (James 1:20). 

We may raise kids who know the law, but only God can give us kids who really know Him and love Him.

When kids are naughty and rebellious, it can really rile you up as a parent. But you don’t want to discipline out of raw emotion. 

It’s very important to be calm, to be clear why you are engaging your child in this disciplinary process. It’s not because you are frustrated with them, but because you love them (Ephesians 6:4).

And when you discipline your kids, explain to them that you are doing this precisely because you want good for them. 

You might need to show your affection with a hug or prayer for them. Assure your children that you love them. If you don’t show them that you love them, you may end up raising rebels. They will grow up knowing the law, but because they are not secure in love, they may eventually become rebels.

On the other hand, some parents don’t discipline their kids at all. They just indulge them. They will raise spoiled brats. 

Love without discipline leads to indulgence. Discipline without love results in rebels. You need the two to come together.

Principle 2: Shepherd Your Children’s Hearts to the Gospel

The second principle to keep in mind is the need to shepherd your children’s hearts to the gospel. When I was younger, punishment taught me what not to do. My parents successfully changed the way I acted, but my heart was never changed.

As a Christian parent, your responsibility is not just to change behaviour. Your responsibility and privilege is to lead your children to Jesus. 

And this is how I think we should do it: we should ask our children to articulate what they did wrong, and why they did it, such that they will ultimately recognize that their hearts are sinful and that nothing they do can help, except receiving a new heart from God, which is only possible if they repent and believe in Jesus.

One of the most powerful statements you can give your kids is, “Do you see Mummy and Daddy doing that?”

Suppose my son has been caught lying in school. The teacher calls me up and I, like a typical parent, respond in embarrassment. 

When my son comes home, I get him to admit what he’s done and punish him harshly, saying, “Don’t you ever do it again! Do you hear me?”

How would my son react, and what would he learn? Maybe he would feel that I don’t care for him, because my response demonstrated more concern for my own face than for him. 

Maybe he might think that I have disciplined him out of my own personal frustration. Maybe he would learn that lying is wrong, but he would just be more clever the next time: lie, just don’t get caught.

But suppose I want to incorporate the two elements of assuring him of my love and leading his heart to Jesus. It might go like this:

I get a call from the teacher. I am extremely frustrated. But I pray to settle my emotions, “Lord, please help me to love my son and teach him the way You want me to. Help me to not discipline him in such a way that he fears me and does not fear You.”

When my son comes home, I say, “Son, your teacher gave me a call. We need to have a conversation about this for your own good. Daddy wants to help you know and do God’s will. So, would you like to tell me what happened?” “Yes, Father,” he replies.

He then tells me what happened, however long it might be. “And so, why did you do what you did?” I ask. “Because I’m a sinner,” he admits. “Are you sorry?” I ask. “Yes,” he confesses. “Very good. Could you have helped yourself? Could you have just not lied?” “Yes,” he answers. “Could you stop lying for the rest of your life?” “Probably not.” “Why not?” “Because I’m a sinner,” he replies. I nod my head.

It’s important to help our children understand the gospel; how it changes us and speaks to us of God’s amazing grace towards us.

I say, “We sin because our hearts are sinful. They’re rotten, and we cannot obey God. That’s why you need a new heart. That’s why Daddy and Mummy will be praying that you will repent, that you will believe in Jesus so that He will give you a new heart. With this new heart, as you walk daily with Jesus by reading God’s Word, praying, and growing closer to Him, you will be able to obey God more and more, and sin less and less. Although our sinful nature remains with us, we are given the power to resist sin if we trust in Jesus. Daddy loves you and right now, I have to discipline you, but I hope most of all that you’ll come to Jesus, and He will save you from your sins.”

So I administer discipline and then we pray together, “Lord, help me to love my son. Help his Daddy and Mummy to teach him well. Help change his heart. We pray he will come to know Jesus.” And after we pray, I say, “Son, Daddy loves you, alright?”

Does it take more time? Definitely! You’ve got to explain before and pray afterwards, but it’s well worth the effort. 

Your child now knows the problem lies with his heart, and the only way to cure it is to repent and believe.

Remind Them of Sin, But Encourage Them As Well 

Some might ask, “Do we really need to constantly remind our children of their sinfulness?” I think so. 

It’s necessary, particularly in our day and age, because people are not often confronted with sin, or how God sees us. 

In the Old Testament, the Jews were given vivid reminders about sin and its horror every single day. Every morning, every evening, animals were slaughtered for the sacrifices. There were screams and roars. There were smells of burnt offerings on the altar. There were spurts of blood. 

Today, discipline remains a way to remind ourselves of the reality of our hearts.

I also want to encourage parents not just to play the tough, hard disciplinarian role, but to encourage your children as well. It was Martin Luther who said, “Spare the rod and spoil the child—that is true. But beside the rod keep an apple to give him when he has done well.”

2. Give Them the Gospel Through Instruction

Second, we parents need to instruct our kids. We need to teach them the gospel and not leave that responsibility to Sunday School, even if the Sunday School teachers are doing a great job. 

The teachers spend 1 per cent of a child’s life with them, once a week, while parents have the opportunity to give them the gospel regularly.

How regularly? At all times. 

You must seize all teachable moments in the routine of everyday life.

Deuteronomy 6:7 tells us: “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” You must seize all teachable moments in the routine of everyday life.

I have the privilege of bringing my two sons out for lunch every week. They like McDonald’s, so two weeks ago, they were eating their favourite nuggets and corn cup meal. Matthias was scooping up the corn and, as usual, he got a little bit clumsy. Excessive force was used and a few corn kernels flew into the sky and fell to the floor.

The responsibility to help your children get the gospel is not the church’s job.

For a few moments, we sat there looking at each other. I could picture the thoughts running through his mind: “Oh no! I’ve dirtied the floor. I need to pick the corn up. But, if I pick the corn up, my hands will get dirty and Daddy will want me to go to the washroom to wash them. That’s too much effort. What should I do?”

So I got up and took out a serviette. I walked over to the spilled kernels of corn, picked them up, and disposed of them properly. When I sat down, I looked at him and asked, “Matthias, what should we do?” “Pick them up,” he replied. “Why should we pick them up?” I asked. “Because we are to be responsible.”

As a Christian parent, your responsibility is not just to change behaviour. Your responsibility and privilege is to lead your children to Jesus.

“That’s very good! But aren’t there cleaners, people working in McDonald’s, who are responsible for picking these things up?” “Yes,” he said. “Then why should we pick the kernels up?” “Because we should be kind.” “And why should we be kind?” I asked. Shawn, happily munching away beside us, chimed in, “Oh, because God is kind to us.”

And so I said, “God gave His Son when we didn’t deserve it. He was kind to us.” And Matthias answered, “I knew you were going to say that!” 

This is just one example of how little events in our life can become wonderful teaching moments. 

It’s important to help our children understand the gospel; how it changes us and speaks to us of God’s amazing grace towards us.

I still remember one memorable evening I spent with my kids. Shawn was five or six years old and Matthias was about a year old. 

We were on holiday and Shawn had a room to himself, so I sat beside him and we just talked, father to son, about the holiday so far, about the fun he’d been having. 

Then slowly we got around to talking about God, Jesus, and the gospel. And I still remember every detail of that moment. 

It was the night he opened his heart and said, “I think I want to believe in Jesus.”

Love without discipline leads to indulgence. Discipline without love results in rebels.

I’m grateful for such moments with my kids. You too should watch out for such wonderful opportunities to gospelize your children. 

But gospelizing our kids is not limited to ad-hoc moments. We should structure regular time slots to talk about the gospel as a family. 

In my family, we spend some time every night reading the Bible with our kids. I’m not free every night so sometimes my wife does the Bible reading. We try our level best to make time to read the Bible with our children. 

And it’s also a time when they can ask questions. We tell them Bible stories and lead them as best as we can, in word and in prayer, to Jesus in the gospel.

Truth be told, I don’t always enjoy teaching the Bible to my kids, because they’re tired and I’m tired. 

I’d rather chill. I’d rather do my own things. 

Some parents feel so guilty because they can’t read the Bible for very long. But even five minutes is fine. If you have young kids, use a children’s bible. Tell them the story of Nicodemus. Tell them the story of creation. If you have older kids, read a chapter of the Word of God a day. 

The key is that you communicate God’s Word to your kids, and do it consistently. So don’t beat yourself up if you can’t manage a 30-minute sermon.

3. Give Them the Gospel Through Modelling

Third, it’s important for parents to model the gospel for their children. Your children need to see the gospel being lived out in your life. Jesus did that, didn’t He? He did not just teach with words. He taught with His life. He taught through practical actions. He washed the feet of the disciples and said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:15).

The gospel is about ministries, about service, about giving of oneself for others. As parents, this is where we need to humble ourselves. This is where we must recognise our desperate need for God. It’s easy to teach, hard to do, and hard to live out. One way to correct your children is to correct the example you’re setting for them.

As a Christian parent, your responsibility is not just to change behaviour. Your responsibility and privilege is to lead your children to Jesus.

One of the most powerful statements you can give your kids is, “Do you see Mummy and Daddy doing that?” For example, if they say, “My friends all lie!”, are you able to say: “Do you see Mummy and Daddy lying?” Are you able to tell them why you don’t lie: “Because we honour God”?

This is very humbling for us parents. 

Often, we are far from where we ought to be, and so we may need to apologize to our kids and confess our failure to obey God and set the right example. 

 Discipline can be very painful. But it can be a wonderful opportunity to impart the gospel.

And we can bow before our Almighty God, knowing that He will graciously forgive us.

Parents, one of the best ways you can model the gospel for your children is by treating your spouse well. Remember, the husband-and-wife relationship is meant to be a portrayal of the gospel; the way Christ loves His church and gave himself for her. 

So, the way you treat your spouse will reveal to your kids the power of the gospel.

Nothing devastates a child more than a broken marriage. Nothing encourages a child more than a happy, healthy, holy marriage. So, model the gospel for your kids.

4. Give Them the Gospel Through Prayer

Lastly, pray. It’s easy for us to imagine that it’s our clever discipline, brilliant teaching, and exemplary living that brings salvation to our kids. 

No! Even if you do all these things perfectly, salvation does not come because you got everything right. Salvation comes from the Lord.

Salvation is the gift of God. It comes out of His freely-given grace and mercy, so all the more we should be humbled and pray for God to save our children. 

We may raise kids who know the law, but only God can give us kids who really know Him and love Him.

So, pray for your kids fiercely and regularly. And not only pray for them, but pray with them, so that they will know what is in your heart.

The Chief Goal of Parenting

What’s the goal of parenting? That your kids will grow up and score straight A’s? That they will be athletic and excel in sports? That they will have a good career and a good life?

We must understand that the goal of parenting is not to raise scholars for Singapore. 

Your kids need to know that you punish them not because you hate them, not because you are frustrated with them, inconvenienced by them, or impatient with them, but because you love them.

Our goal is to raise a godly heritage. 

For many parents, it is enough to hear their kids say, “I believe in Jesus. I want to be baptized.” Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s fantastic if your kids say that. 

But if that is all you’re looking for and you don’t care how they live afterwards, then that’s a very dangerous attitude to have.

According to the Bible, when someone is born again and becomes a true follower of Jesus, they do not just profess faith. 

They will also have a new way of living. There will be a new pattern of obedience. That’s what the gospel is all about! The gospel leads us to develop true obedience to God. It’s not just a ticket to heaven.

You must seize all teachable moments in the routine of everyday life.

Real salvation is about a life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ. There will be obedience from the heart. 

In Romans 16:19 we read, “Everyone has heard about your obedience.” Not obedience that is enforced from the outside, but obedience that springs from within us. As 3 John 1:4 tells us, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

And of course, the ultimate statement we hear from Jesus: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 7:21). 

You don’t obey the will of the Father to be saved. No! That’s legalism. But a true follower of Jesus does the will of the Father. If you really are saved, there will be a pattern of obedience in your life.

Not Sinless Perfection, But a Sincere Progression

As we say in our church: not sinless perfection, but a sincere progression. 

That’s what I want to develop in my sons, Shawn and Matthias. I long to see them obey God more and more, because they love Him. That’s my goal! 

And if they can be people who know the love of God and love Him in return, it really doesn’t matter if they don’t score straight A’s, don’t get high-paying jobs, or aren’t particularly athletic.

Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t need to encourage our children to study, do sports, or develop socially, intellectually, and physically. 

As a Christian parent, your responsibility is not just to change behaviour. Your responsibility and privilege is to lead your children to Jesus.

The Bible does contain passages about being diligent and working hard (Proverbs 6:6–8; 12:27; 13:4; 21:5; Colossians 3:23). 

But above it all, we need to “gospelize” our children.

When Jonathan Edwards was on his deathbed, he wrote a simple note for his daughter to hand over to the rest of the family. It said, “Tell my wife that the uncommon union which has so long subsisted between us is, I think, a spiritual one and therefore is one which will last forever.” 

Love without discipline leads to indulgence. Discipline without love results in rebels.

And to his children: “Tell your other brothers and sisters that it is about time they look to a Father that does not die.”

Parenting is a form of stewardship. God has given us children that we may lead them to the ultimate heavenly Father. 

Let’s do our job well. Let’s lead our children not to elite schools or to high-paying careers, but to Jesus Christ. 

Let’s gospelize our children.

This article was adapted from a sermon by Jason Lim and is used by permission. Check out Jason Lim’s first article in this two-part series, How to Raise Pagan Kids.