Do you “gospelize” your children?
I don’t mean merely the act of telling or sharing the gospel to them. Rather, do we raise them in a gospel-saturated home, trusting that God can use our humble efforts to work in the hearts of our children, so that they understand their sinfulness and need for Christ as Saviour?
Sunday school can play a part, but the responsibility of gospelizing lies squarely on our shoulders, as Paul instructs us parents: “Bring [your children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Evangelism, or gospelizing, begins at home, with us. As Acts 2:39 highlights, the gift of salvation is for “you and your children and for all who are far off” (emphasis added).
What Sunday school does for our children is like what supplements do for our health. We can’t survive on supplements alone—we need regular, healthy, main meals. As parents, our job is to provide our children with nutritious, spiritual main meals.
But how do we do that? We may know how to teach our children the alphabet or maths, or to send them for tuition and enrichment—but how can we direct our children to keep the way of the Lord? Here are four ways we can give the gospel to our children:
Give Them the Gospel Through Discipline
Discipline can be painful—but it can also be a wonderful opportunity to impart the gospel to our children.
We have all experienced discipline in our lives. And, the Bible tells us discipline is absolutely necessary because we are born sinners (Psalm 51:5).
We are conceived in sin, rebellion, and folly, all of which are bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15). According to the Bible, God disciplines His children, so that they will bear the fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11). We, too, should do the same as parents.
When I was younger, my parents disciplined me and my sister. When we did something wrong, my parents would call us into the room to be punished. My sister would run away, but I was different. I wanted to get it over and done with.
From such unpleasant experiences, I learned what “wrong” was. I learned that when I did something wrong—when I disobeyed my parents—there would be painful consequences. That’s what discipline is about.
But after becoming a Christian and studying the Bible, and after becoming a parent myself and understanding a little more about children, I realised that while my childhood experience was good in some ways, it needed to be accompanied by two other principles:
1. A Strong Assurance of Parental Love
When my parents punished me, they would say: “If you do this again, I won’t love you anymore.” They conditioned me to think that my performance would earn their favour, and vice versa.
Our children need to know that we discipline them not because we hate them, are frustrated with them, inconvenienced by them, or impatient with them, but because we love them.
It can be easy to get so riled up when our children are misbehaving and rebellious. We must, however, settle our own emotions before we mete out any discipline. As James 1:20 warns: “Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
It’s very important to stay calm, and to be clear why you are disciplining them—precisely because we want good for them.
Our children need to know that we discipline them not because we hate them, are frustrated with them, inconvenienced by them, or impatient with them, but because we love them.
After disciplining them, we can show our affection with a hug or prayer for them, and to assure them that we love them. Otherwise, they may grow up knowing the law, but eventually still become rebels because they feel insecure about our love for them.
On the other hand, if parents indulge their children without disciplining them at all, they run the risk of raising—simply put—spoilt brats.
Love without discipline leads to indulgence. Discipline without love results in rebels. We need both—to discipline in love.
2. Shepherd Your Children’s Hearts to the Gospel
Aside from assuring our children of our love when disciplining them, the second principle is to shepherd our children’s hearts to the gospel. When I was younger, punishment taught me what not to do. My parents successfully changed the way I acted, but my heart was never changed.
As Christian parents, our responsibility is not just to change behaviour—but to lead our children to Jesus.
One way we can do this is by asking our children to articulate what they did that was wrong and why they did it. This is in the hopes that they might ultimately recognise that their hearts are sinful, and that nothing they do can help—except receiving a new heart from God, which is only possible if they repent and believe in Jesus.
Suppose my son has been caught lying in school. The teacher calls me up and I, like a typical parent, respond in embarrassment. When my son comes home, I get him to admit what he’s done and punish him harshly, saying: “Don’t you ever do it again! Do you hear me?”
How would my son react, and what would he learn? He might feel that I don’t care for him, because my response demonstrated more concern for my own face than for him.
Or, he might think that I have disciplined him out of my own personal frustration. Maybe he would learn that lying is wrong, but he would just be cleverer the next time: lie—just don’t get caught.
Suppose, however, that in my discipline, I assure my son of my love and lead his heart to Jesus. It might go like this:
I get a call from the teacher. I am extremely frustrated. But I pray to settle my emotions: “Lord, please help me to love my son and teach him the way You want me to. Help me to not discipline him in such a way that he fears me and does not fear You.”
When my son comes home, I say: “Son, your teacher gave me a call. We need to have a conversation about this for your own good. Daddy wants to help you know and do God’s will. So, would you like to tell me what happened?”
He then tells me what happened. “So, why did you do what you did?” I ask. “Because I’m a sinner,” he admits.
“Are you sorry?” I ask. “Yes,” he confesses.
“Very good. Could you have helped yourself? Could you have just not lied?” “Yes,” he answers.
“Could you stop lying for the rest of your life?” “Probably not.”
“Why not?” “Because I’m a sinner.”
I nod my head. “We sin because our hearts are sinful. They’re rotten, and we cannot obey God. That’s why you need a new heart. That’s why Daddy and Mummy will be praying that you will repent, that you will believe in Jesus so that He will give you a new heart. With this new heart, as you walk daily with Jesus by reading God’s Word, praying, and growing closer to Him, you will be able to obey God more and more, and sin less and less,” I say.
“Although our sinful nature remains with us, we are given the power to resist sin if we trust in Jesus. Daddy loves you and right now, I have to discipline you, but I hope most of all that you’ll come to Jesus, and He will save you from your sins.”
I might then discipline him, and then I pray for him: “Lord, help me to love my son. Help me and Mummy to teach him well. Please change his heart. We pray he will come to know Jesus.” And after we pray, I say: “Son, Daddy loves you, alright?”
Does it take more time? Definitely! We’ve got to explain before and pray afterwards, but it’s well worth the effort.
When we do so, our children will learn that the problem lies with their heart, and the only way to cure it is to repent and believe.
Remind Them of Sin, but Encourage Them as Well
Some might ask, “Do we really need to constantly remind our children of their sinfulness?” I think so.
It’s necessary, particularly in our day and age, because people are not often confronted with sin, or how God sees us.
Discipline remains a way to remind ourselves of the reality of our hearts.
In the Old Testament, the Jews were given vivid reminders about sin and its horror every single day. Every morning, every evening, animals were slaughtered for the sacrifices. There were screams and roars. There were smells of burnt offerings on the altar. There were spurts of blood.
Today, discipline remains a way to remind ourselves of the reality of our hearts.
At the same time, let us balance our loving discipline with encouragement. As Martin Luther put it: “Spare the rod and spoil the child—that is true. But beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well.”
Give Them the Gospel Through Instruction
Aside from disciplining our children, we impart the gospel to them through our instruction.
While Sunday school teachers may do a great job at this, our children spend just a fraction of their time with them. On the other hand, we have the opportunity to give them the gospel at all times.
Deuteronomy 6:7 (NLT) tells us: “Talk about [God’s commands] when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” This means that we are to seize all teachable moments in the routine of everyday life.
I have the privilege of bringing my two sons out for lunch every week. They like McDonald’s, so two weeks ago, they were eating their favourite nuggets and corn cup meal. Matthias was scooping up his corn and, as usual, he got a little bit clumsy and a few corn kernels fell to the floor.
For a few moments, we sat there looking at each other. I could picture the thoughts running through his mind: “Oh no! I’ve dirtied the floor. I need to pick the corn up. But, if I pick the corn up, my hands will get dirty and Daddy will want me to go to the washroom to wash them. That’s too much effort. What should I do?”
We are to seize all teachable moments in the routine of everyday life.
So I got up and took out a serviette. I walked over to the spilled kernels of corn, picked them up, and disposed of them properly. When I sat down, I looked at him and asked, “Matthias, what should we do?” “Pick them up,” he replied. “Why should we pick them up?” I asked. “Because we are to be responsible.”
“That’s very good! But aren’t there cleaners, people working in McDonald’s, who are responsible for picking these things up?” “Yes,” he said. “Then why should we pick the kernels up?” “Because we should be kind.” “And why should we be kind?” I asked. Shawn, happily munching away beside us, chimed in, “Oh, because God is kind to us.”
And so I said, “God gave His Son when we didn’t deserve it. He was kind to us.” And Matthias answered, “I knew you were going to say that!”
This is just one example of how little events in our life can become wonderful teaching moments.
It’s important to help our children understand the gospel, how it changes us, and how it speaks to us of God’s amazing grace towards us.
Gospelizing Our Children In Everyday Moments
I still remember one memorable evening when we were on holiday, back when Shawn was five or six years old and Matthias was about a year old. I sat beside Shawn and we just talked, father to son, about the holiday so far and the fun he’d been having.
Then slowly we got around to talking about God, Jesus, and the gospel. And I still remember every detail of that moment. It was the night he opened his heart and said, “I think I want to believe in Jesus.”
I’m grateful for such moments with my kids.
Fellow parents, let us watch out for such wonderful opportunities to gospelize our children. This, of course, isn’t limited to ad-hoc moments. We should structure regular time slots to talk about the gospel as a family.
In my family, we spend some time every night reading the Bible with our kids. I’m not free every night, so sometimes my wife reads the Bible to them.
At these times, we tell them Bible stories and lead them as best as we can, in word and in prayer, to Jesus in the gospel. This is also a time when they can ask questions.
Truth be told, I don’t always enjoy teaching the Bible to my kids, because they’re tired and I’m tired. I’d rather chill. I’d rather do my own things.
Or, some parents may feel guilty because they can’t read the Bible for very long. But family devotion doesn’t have to be 30 minutes long—even five minutes is fine. If you have young kids, use a children’s Bible. If you have older kids, you can read a chapter of the Word of God a day.
The key is that we communicate God’s Word to our children, and do it consistently.
As we discipline and instruct our children with the gospel in view, let us pray that our children will receive the blessed gift of salvation in Christ, and keep the way of the Lord, for all their lives.
