“She’s half of you and half of me.”
That’s my cheeky response to my wife whenever we marvel at our baby daughter’s exceptional cuteness.
Exceptional indeed. Since having our child, my wife and I have developed a deeper and more personal understanding of what it means to be “fearfully and wonderfully” made (Psalms 139:14).
While every child is a unique and intricate blend of their parents’ genetic makeup, my wife and I are fully aware that our daughter is made possible only because God created her and fashioned her the way she is—fearfully and wonderfully.
Beyond appreciating God’s unparalleled design, my journey of fatherhood has allowed me to continue discovering His sovereign hand and instruction in special—and, at times, unprecedented—ways.
Moments with My Heavenly Father
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Here are three things I’ve rediscovered about my faith as a new father:
1. We Can Cast Our Anxieties on God
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
— 1 Peter 5:7
While my wife’s pregnancy was generally smooth, it still wasn’t easy. She experienced morning sickness throughout her nine months, with it hitting her the hardest during her first and second trimesters.
Carrying additional plastic bags wherever she went became the norm. The smell of some foods triggered nausea, leading to her developing a fear of eating—which in turn caused her to worry about whether or not she was sufficiently nourishing the baby. Her attempts to cope better with the morning sickness by reading up on the condition and consulting friends didn’t do much to ease the discomfort; in fact, it only worsened her anxiety.
I tried to support her emotionally by being a listening ear, and practically by buying her meals. But there were limits to how much I could do, especially as I was juggling work as well. What made it all the more frustrating was knowing that I could do little in easing my wife’s nausea.
Facing this challenge as a couple not only humbled us to seek God’s help when we felt most helpless, but also taught us to better appreciate the gifts of prayer and Jesus’ sacrifice.
This prompted us to seek God’s help. We prayed often (my wife perhaps praying more often than I!) for her nausea to subside, and to better cope with our anxiety and frustration. Even though the physical challenges of pregnancy were unavoidable for my wife, knowing that God was in charge—and that He cared for, sustained, and strengthened us—gave us much comfort during this difficult time (Psalm 55:22; Isaiah 41:10).
Facing this challenge as a couple not only humbled us to seek God’s help when we felt most helpless, but also taught us to better appreciate the gifts of prayer and Jesus’ sacrifice. Because of what He has accomplished on the cross, we can go directly to the Father anytime and for anything “with freedom and confidence” (Ephesians 3:11–12). And, as a result of this experience, we grew closer to Him.
2. We Can Entrust Our Children to God
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
— Proverbs 3:5–6
One challenge I faced as a new parent was helping my child to achieve specific milestones recommended by medical science. At times, I found myself worrying that my daughter wasn’t keeping with her developmental milestones, particularly her weight.
Whenever we visited the clinic for my daughter’s vaccinations and health screenings, the doctors and nurses would advise us to help her put on weight, as she was in the lowest tenth percentile of infant growth charts.
This became almost an obsession for us. We diligently recorded how much our daughter ate and at what time, and agonised over how we could feed our daughter more and more frequently. We were left disappointed, however, when there seemed to be little progress in her weight gain.
This experience gradually taught us the importance of entrusting our daughter’s development to our Maker. These days, I remind myself that He is the one who ultimately provides her growth and well-being—and try not to focus too much on meeting the developmental milestones defined by medical science.
Indeed, being aware that God “[makes] everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11) has led me to broaden my definition of “growth”: I am reminded that it goes beyond the physical to also include the mental, emotional, and most importantly, spiritual aspects. God’s Word reminds and encourages me that my child will grow well under His sovereign care.
3. We Can and Should Be Godly Examples
Train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
— 1 Timothy 4:7–8
Before having our child, my wife and I used to attend church service irregularly. Work deadlines, lack of sleep, and family gatherings were our frequent excuses, and the pursuit of our own endeavours somehow took precedence. But this gradually changed when our daughter entered our lives.
As my wife and I discussed—sometimes heatedly—about how we could best care for her and meet her needs, we became keenly aware that our views and opinions all stemmed from a singular motivation: we wanted the best for our daughter, and that included creating ample opportunities for her to grow in Christ.
Knowing that our daughter will eventually grow up and embark on her own journey of faith motivates us to give her spiritual growth top priority.
So, we returned to attending church weekly. This meant making sure that we woke up early, prepared ourselves, and left home so that we could be on time for Sunday service. Although our daughter was too young to fully grasp what was going on, my wife and I felt that bringing her to church consistently would help her to grow more comfortable with the body of Christ, and hopefully, over time, with knowing Christ himself.
Knowing that our daughter will eventually grow up and embark on her own journey of faith motivates us to give her spiritual growth top priority. While we know that it will be entirely her decision whether or not to accept Christ as her Saviour one day, we believe that we can help her to learn about Jesus and, hopefully, thus provide a firm foundation for her to understand life—why we were created, why we face suffering, and why we can have hope in this complex and uncertain world. We also pray that she will grow in godliness and be rooted in the virtues of Jesus, so that she can be guided to do the right thing when she has to make difficult decisions, for godliness “promises help for the life you are now living and the life to come” (1 Timothy 4:8 NIRV).
As we seek to instil in our daughter a knowledge and love for Christ, my wife and I know that we, too, need to train ourselves to be godly. Thankfully, our child has given us the much needed “push” to stay focused and consistent in walking with Christ, and also to be more thoughtful in placing God first in our lives, so that we can be better examples for her as we grow together in spiritual maturity and godliness.
In “walking our talk”, we have developed new routines such as visiting the library to borrow Christian books for our daughter’s bedtime reading. The focus of our prayers has also shifted towards asking God to centre our family on Christ, instead of merely asking Him for strength to pursue our own goals.
In hindsight, fatherhood has allowed me to renew my relationship with Christ. While I confess that I’m still not as Christlike as I hope to be, I pray that with greater spiritual discipline and by His enablement, I will gradually experience the joy that the Lord has promised us in all circumstances as we grow in knowing, loving, and being more like Him.
Living Carefully and Wisely
Over the past year, God has used our daughter to encourage us to revisit His teachings in a practical way, and in the process, to arrive at a more nuanced understanding of His sovereign plan for each one of us.
Becoming a parent has prompted us to think about how we live—and whether we are living wisely in God’s sight.
At our recent celebration of Anne’s first birthday, we took time to recount and give thanks for our parenting journey. As we did so, we were reminded of Paul’s exhortation to us in Ephesians 5:15–16:
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Indeed, becoming a parent has prompted us to think about how we live—and whether we are living wisely in God’s sight and making the most of every opportunity to know, worship, and serve our heavenly Father.
As we continue to marvel at our daughter and thank God for the immense joy she has brought to us, we pray that we will continue to grow in our faith as God’s children ourselves.
