Family stories often seem to have recurring themes. Some therapists call them family scripts. It seems that these unwritten but nevertheless powerful scripts surface and resurface generation after generation.
Researchers have noted that certain patterns in attitude and behaviour tend to be repeated in family history. Alcoholism, suicide, domestic violence, broken families, and other patterns of family pathology have all been suggested as family scripts that can be repeated across generations.
This idea of family scripts is not new; the biblical stories of the ancient patriarchs demonstrate a similar understanding.
Family Scripts in the Bible
Take, for instance, Abraham’s response to personal danger.
God had called him to leave Ur for Canaan. When there was a famine in Canaan, Abraham decided to go to Egypt to survive the difficult circumstances. Before entering Egypt, he told his wife Sarai: “I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife,’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you” (Genesis 12:11–13).
Notice Abraham’s self-centred strategy of self-preservation. He lied to save his own skin. Worse, he was willing to sacrifice his wife’s safety and honour for his own survival. In that panic-filled moment of fearing for his life, he ignored all that God had promised him—that he and his wife would produce a great nation (Genesis 12:2).
And he did not seem to care what happened to his wife. Believing that Sarai was Abraham’s unmarried sister, Pharaoh had her taken to the palace to be one of his wives. If not for God’s intervention, the truth would not have come out and the story would have ended tragically.
Years later, when Abraham’s son Isaac had married Rebekah, there was another famine. Isaac went to the land of the Philistines. There, he repeated what his father did (Genesis 26:1–11). Fearing for his life, he lied that Rebekah was his sister.
The details in the two stories have a striking resemblance to each other, as if a script was repeating itself from one generation to the next.
Later, when the Philistine king found out the truth, he confronted Isaac, who confessed that he had been afraid of losing his life. And, as in Abraham’s case, this happened just after God had promised Isaac that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky.
The details in the two stories have a striking resemblance to each other, as if a script was repeating itself from one generation to the next. There are also other scripts in this ancient family—for example, the story of favouritism.
Isaac favoured his son Esau (Genesis 25:28), but Esau’s twin brother Jacob plotted with his mother (who favoured him) to deceive Isaac, who was blind because of old age. Jacob managed to divert Isaac’s intended blessing on Esau to himself. Years later, Jacob would show the same trait of favouritism when he favoured his son Joseph above all the other siblings (Genesis 37:3).
Later in the Old Testament, family history was also found in the stories of the kings of Israel and Judah. All 19 kings of Israel are judged by Scripture as evil, guilty of idolatry and other sins. Twelve of the 20 kings of Judah were also evil.
It is interesting to note that when these kings are mentioned and their actions judged, we often find a phrase that goes something like: “He committed all the sins his father had done before him” (e.g., 1 Kings 15:3, 26; 22:52, where the finger is pointed at the mother, too). When the actions of the good kings are described, they are similarly accompanied by phrases like “just as his father . . . had done” (2 Kings 15:3, 34), or “just as his [fore]father David had done” (2 Kings 18:3).
What Lies Beneath the Scripts
How do such family scripts get passed on? The usual answers are nature (genes), nurture (upbringing), and spirit (spiritual heritage or baggage). Though this is not the place to discuss these in detail, probably all three are true.
More importantly, what can we do about family scripts?
You need to be aware of your own family scripts. Some of them may be good, others bad. Whatever the case, we need to imbibe and follow another script, one that redeems us. This script is found in Scripture, and it is the story of God’s redemptive acts in the world—and more specifically, the story of Jesus.
We begin to live in this script when we place our faith in Christ and are baptised. In our baptism we are identified with Christ; we die with Christ and we are raised with Him into new life (Romans 6:4). Our identification with Christ is the basis of our imitation of Christ. His script then becomes our life script.
You need to be aware of your own family scripts. Some of them may be good, others bad. Whatever the case, we need to imbibe and follow another script, one that redeems us.
Jesus’ script frees us from bondage to all other scripts that infect our lives. With His script guiding us, we may also recognise some good things from our old scripts that resonate with His. We begin to be thankful that the heavenly script writer was already working in our lives long before we came to know Him. Indeed, in Christ we can thank God for the positive parts of our family scripts (see 2 Timothy 3:15), and become free from the negative parts.
We Have the Opportunity to Change Our Story
As a parent, you need to realise the influence you have over your children. You must recognise the tremendous power of modelling. Our children tend to mimic our attitudes and actions. You can make a big difference in their lives.
But what if your family script is bad? Are you fated to pass it on to your children and their descendants? If you don’t take care, you probably will. The outcome depends on many factors, such as your children’s own experience and character, and other influences.
Our children tend to mimic our attitudes and actions. You can make a big difference in their lives.
With the power of the Holy Spirit, the bad or sinful themes that may have been repeated in your family history can come to an end with you, as you make Christ’s script your script. God can rewrite and redeem our scripts if we allow Him. And we can leave a godly legacy that can influence generations to come.
So think about the script you have received, the script you are living out, and the script you are passing on.
