“Mummy, can I have a handphone?”
Many of us parents have heard this question from our children, even those as young as in preschool. Some of them may add: “You have a handphone, so why haven’t you given me one?”
There is no escaping the fact that handphones are becoming essential items for daily life.
We use them to track appointments, find directions while driving or taking public transport, take pictures, listen to music, watch the latest viral videos, catch up on news or our favourite shows, and communicate with friends, relatives, and business contacts.
What shall we say to our children who are begging for handphones? There are many good resources out there that can help us, like these two produced by the Media Literacy Council:
In addition, this article provides some pointers parents can use to draw the discussion back to God’s Word and His plan for us.
1. Protection Versus Preparation
To start, it’s important to let your children know how you’re going to make decisions about the handphone. Tell them that your decision-making process is rooted in the Bible’s instruction for parents:
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. —Proverbs 22:6 ESV
There are two parts to training up a child: protection and preparation. When a child is younger, the parent does more protecting and focuses less on preparing. As the child grows older, the parent starts reducing the protecting and focuses more on preparing. A simple graph can be drawn, like so:
A quick example can be given: with a toddler, you would grab his hand tightly when crossing a road. That’s protection. When he becomes a preschooler, you guide him, advising him to look at the colour of the traffic light and to look both ways before crossing. You still hold his hand, but you are protecting him less and preparing him more. Of course, when he’s even older, you would have prepared him enough and he crosses the road confidently on his own.
In the face of whining about wanting a handphone, I’ve found it useful to talk about God, protection and preparation, by saying something like this:
The conversation with our children over handphones is not going to be a one-off one.
“I am accountable to God for how I parent. I answer to Him. And He’s given me two responsibilities: protection and preparation. I am going to decide as you get older when to give you a handphone, how much parental control to have, how much screen time to give, and so on, based on the need to protect you, and the need to prepare you. The protection will get less and less, for the ultimate goal is to prepare you for the future, with God by your side. But to get there, you need to trust me, and we need to work together.”
(And you could add: “And whining about it doesn’t help me to trust that you’re ready!”)
2. It’s All About Wisdom
Secondly, tell your children that the handphone is not evil, nor should it be seen as forbidden fruit. All technology is merely a platform upon which our human nature, including its sinfulness, is given opportunity to manifest itself and intensify.
Although it is not evil in and of itself, many evil and sinful things can be done with handphones. On the other hand, many good and God-pleasing things can be done with handphones too.
So, why not maximise the godly value of this platform, and use it as best we can to share God’s love, His Word and His gospel?
To illustrate this, share examples from around you. Talk about a criminal who was caught using handphones to scam people. On the flip side, discuss a Christian music video that you’ve received on your handphone that has blessed thousands after being shared over social media.
The key is how we use our handphones and that’s where wisdom is needed. The Bible tells us what wisdom is:
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. —Proverbs 9:10
So what does fearing the Lord mean when it comes to the use of our handphones? This leads us to our third, fourth and fifth points.
3. Fearing The Lord Means Establishing Your Priorities
Fearing the Lord means committing to making God the most important person in your life. This will then affect the relative importance you attach to other people and things, and therefore, how much time you spend on them.
How does this work out in real life?
But here’s an important wisdom principle that stems from fearing the Lord: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
If you are trying to work out handphone rules with your children, you can ask them: “What time limits can we agree upon, to ensure you balance the priority of using the handphone (communication, socialising, entertainment) with the other priorities in your life (homework, revision, chores, family time, church), including the priority of learning about God and blessing others with His love?”
If you are trying to challenge your children who already have handphones, you can ask them: “How are you prioritising God in your handphone usage? Are you putting God at the centre of your Internet searches, instant messaging content, social media updates and scrollings, app downloads, and consumption of entertainment media?”
In short: “Would God be pleased with what you are doing on your handphone? Why, or why not? And, what can you do better to keep pleasing Him as your key priority?”
4. Fearing The Lord Means Choosing Carefully
Other than prioritising God as most important, fearing the Lord means choosing carefully what you do and say.
The handphone opens up many worlds for your child to explore. But here’s an important wisdom principle that stems from fearing the Lord: just because you can, doesn’t mean you should:
- Just because you can click on all the flashing ads on a website, doesn’t mean you should.
- Just because you can befriend your friend’s friend’s friend’s cousin’s friend over social media, doesn’t mean you should.
- Just because you can vent all your negative emotions on your status update, doesn’t mean you should.
- Just because you can play a mobile game for hours, doesn’t mean you should.
- Just because you can stay up past bedtime to watch the latest Netflix series, doesn’t mean you should.
- Just because you can forward something that might be considered cyber-bullying someone, and get away with it because it’d be hard to trace back to you, doesn’t mean you should.
This is one of the most important principles to talk to your children about because with a handphone, many quick, thoughtless and seemingly inconsequential swipes, clicks and taps can take place within seconds.
Matthew 12:36 says:
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.
A modern version of this verse might very well be:
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for everything they have typed, posted, forwarded, clicked on, and swiped on their screens.
One way to prepare our children for such digital choices is to have them co-participate in your current digital activities.
In short: “Would God be pleased with what you are doing on your handphone? Why, or why not? And, what can you do better to keep pleasing Him as your key priority?”
For example, when they are young and before you give them a handphone, discuss with them what they think you should post on your social media update. Discuss the pros and cons of using certain words or adding certain images, so that they build discernment about what would be God-pleasing, and what wouldn’t. Bring in the question: “What would God think of my choices?”
There are two parts to training up a child: protection and preparation.
You could also share with them the challenges and delights you’ve experienced digitally. For example, share about misunderstandings that have arisen online that were quickly cleared up when you met up with the person face-to-face. On the flip side, share about how friends have encouraged you by sending you Bible verses or links to Christian articles that have pointed you to Christ. Bring in the question: “What choices can we make on our handphones to bless others?”
5. Fearing The Lord Means Using Your Handphone To Shine For Christ
Fearing the Lord doesn’t just mean prioritising God as most important and choosing carefully. It also means taking on God’s priorities, including His mission to reach the world with His love and the gospel.
What does this have to do with handphones? Well, handphones are just a platform, remember? So, why not maximise the godly value of this platform, and use it as best we can to share God’s love, His Word and His gospel?
Philippians 2:14-16 says:
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation”. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.
Let’s talk to our children about how they can share godly wisdom through handphones, such as by posting videos on the Bible, linking to audio sermons, or sharing Spotify lists of Christian music online.
All technology is merely a platform upon which our human nature, including its sinfulness, is given opportunity to manifest itself and intensify.
Let’s encourage our children to post status updates that share Bible verses, links to Christian articles or personal testimonies. Let’s remind them that they can use instant messaging to reach out to friends with an encouraging word from Scripture. In all these ways, our children can shine as lights in the world, in a crooked and perverse generation, for their Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ online.
Summary Of Pointers
Here is a summary of the pointers suggested:
- As parents, we are here to protect and prepare you. Trust us and let’s work together on preparing you more, as you grow older.
- Handphones are not evil, nor are they forbidden fruit. Their usage requires wisdom. And the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
- The fear of the Lord means establishing your priority of God as the most important person in your life.
- The fear of the Lord means choosing carefully what you do and say. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
- The fear of the Lord means taking on God’s priorities. Let’s shine for Christ online.
The conversation with our children over handphones is not going to be a one-off one. Any number of the above points bear repeating and regular reflection. May God grant us the wisdom, patience and strength needed to guide our children in this area.
How To Talk To Your Children About . . . is an occasional series of articles that aims to help parents start conversations with their children, in order to point them back to Jesus, the gospel and God’s Word.
