Mental health issues among children have received so much attention of late that we may sometimes suffer from “mental health fatigue”, believing some of the news and reports to be overblown or exaggerated.
Until, that is, we come across personal accounts of children’s mental health challenges, either from our own relatives, close friends, or people we know personally.
To be sure, the statistics show that mental health issues are indeed worrying.
One in three youths in Singapore reported internalising—keeping the issue to themselves—mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
A National University of Singapore Youth Epidemiology and Resilience Study, the first nationwide study of adolescents’ mental health and resilience which covered more than 3,300 young people aged 10 to 18, reveals the breadth and depth of struggles that many children and their parents face.
Among other things, it found that 12 per cent of preteens and teens were considered to be suffering from at least one disorder, such as depression and anxiety. Even more startling was this finding: one in three youths in Singapore reported internalising—keeping the issue to themselves—mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
“The statistics and studies show that many children are unfortunately not mentally well,” says Asher Low, the executive director of Limitless, a mental health charity for youths, who has extensive experience working with young people with mental health conditions.
While society is still coming to grips with this rising trend, Christian parents may also wonder: What does the Bible say about mental health? Is there anything we can learn from God’s Word about helping children who suffer from mental health issues?
The Heroes Had Their Moments, Too
Asher, for one, believes that the Bible has some valuable lessons to offer on the subject of mental health—even if it is not mentioned explicitly in its accounts.
“One of the first things I assure parents is: having a mental health disorder definitely doesn’t speak of poor parenting,” he says. “Choosing to see that it’s really okay not to be okay, and knowing that even great heroes of faith suffered from mental health issues, is an important first step for parents—even before we talk about helping our children.”
Asher can think of several examples of biblical heroes who struggled with intense emotions that might today be described as mental health conditions.
The prophet Jeremiah, for example, was so mentally tormented that he cried out: “Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!” (Jeremiah 20:14)
King David, meanwhile, expressed deep distress and sorrow in Psalm 69. Overwhelmed by his troubles and enemies, he likened himself to sinking in “miry depths” (v. 2).
Having a mental health disorder definitely doesn’t speak of poor parenting.
Clearly, Asher says, mental illness isn’t a modern-day phenomenon; it also inflicted people of ancient times. “Really, the best of us—anyone—may struggle with mental health issues,” he adds.
Such examples, he also says, can offer some guidance and pointers on how—apart from seeking professional help—parents can help their children who are suffering from mental health issues.
Learning from Elijah
The story of the prophet Elijah’s journey through despair and renewal in 1 Kings 19 is a good example.
After his victory over the prophets of Baal, Elijah fled from Queen Jezebel, who threatened his life. Travelling into the wilderness, he felt defeated and even requested to die. However, an angel provided him with food and water, enabling him to continue to Mount Horeb. There, God appeared to Elijah in a gentle whisper, instructing him to anoint new leaders, including Elisha as his prophetic successor.
Asher suggests these useful learning points:
- Attend to physical needs
Before addressing Elijah’s mental and emotional issues, God first did something that was practical: He fed Elijah (1 Kings 19:5–6).
“Sometimes, a child who is going through a particularly rough patch may even forget or refuse to eat,” notes Asher. So he advises parents to gently encourage their kids to eat. “If the child does not wish to eat, then just do something else that would help him feel better,” he says. “To the child, it’s a symbol of your love.”
- Get close
1 Kings 19:11–12 makes much of the fact that God spoke to Elijah not through a “great and powerful wind”, an earthquake, or a fire, but “a gentle whisper”.
“For God to whisper, He must have come close to Elijah,” Asher observes. “The lesson here for parents is to avail yourself and get close to your child. Apart from physical closeness, parents can also do this by being present, available, and empathetic, and also staying in close communication with their children. “Essentially,” says Asher, “‘be there’ for your child.”
- Avoid chastising
Having fled Jezebel, Elijah was extremely negative in his outlook. Apart from asking God to let him die (v. 4), he also complained repeatedly that no-one else was left but him to do God’s work (vv. 10, 14).
We’re eager to help our children. But sometimes, words just come out the wrong way. Stick to simple yet important questions like: ‘What’re you doing?’ or ‘What’s wrong?’
Yet, as God drew close to Elijah, He did not chastise or nag the prophet. Instead, He simply asked: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (vv. 9, 13)
“Notice that there’re no judgments or scoldings. Just a simple question to encourage Elijah to share his heart,” Asher says. “Parents are understandably concerned. We’re eager to help our children. But sometimes, words just come out the wrong way. Stick to simple yet important questions like: ‘What’re you doing?’ or ‘What’s wrong?’”
- Seek external help
Elijah was not expected to achieve everything on his own; God instructed him to anoint Hazael and Jehu as kings, and Elisha as prophet, to help him carry out His plan in eliminating those who had turned away from Him (v. 16).
“Don’t be shy in seeking help to address issues that the child is facing,” Asher advises. “For example, if it’s schoolwork, find a tutor who can understand, and patiently teach and guide. Very often, God provides help through others.”
- Connect with community
Neither was Elijah expected to recover from his ordeal on his own. God connected the prophet to a community, by reserving 7,000 people in Israel who had chosen to remain faithful to Him (v. 18). He did not leave Elijah alone.
“Help the child find a community,” Asher says. “I once connected a youth with a youth group in church. They did simple things—visited him, brought food, helped him not to feel alone, added him to chatgroups, prayed for him. The connection with community did wonders.”
If a child resists your efforts, however, don’t force him to join a community or insist that he connects with others. Be patient, and continue looking out for alternative ways.
“Sometimes, a child may need more time. For instance, if he is willing, attend service with him and sit with him till he’s comfortable to hang out with other youths,” Asher suggests.
- Be patient
If a child resists your efforts, however, don’t force him to join a community or insist that he connects with others. Be patient, and continue looking out for alternative ways.
Addressing mental health issues requires a holistic approach. According to Asher, the healing process involves the various aspects of the self: the physiological (the body), the psychological (the mind), the social (connection with the community), and the spiritual (soul-care). And often, this process takes time.
“If the child does not want help, continue to feed him, draw close to him, avoid judging, and be patient,” Asher adds. “It’s a process that requires much love, perseverance, and patience. But it’s certainly possible with God’s grace and mercy, in His time.”
