Questions. We see them sprinkled throughout history in man’s interactions with God. We’ve seen them in our homework throughout our school years. And we see them coming fast and furious from the first “whassdis?” or “why?” in our homes.
As parents, we will inevitably hear all sorts of questions from our children. It’s an exciting experience to see the wheels turning in their little heads . . . and an unnerving one, as they begin to ask us harder and harder ones!
Answering these questions can be challenging, but they are an essential part of the discipling role God has given us with our children.
The process of question-and-answer offers us a rich opportunity to help our kids see things from God’s perspective. It might even challenge us to think a little more deeply for ourselves, and test our own presuppositions and assumptions. It can be a humbling process, of course—but always a good one!
So, what are some of the common “life questions” that parents are likely to hear? In our time working with young people, we hear many of their questions which can be classified under three big categories:
Give Us This Day 11
Get our latest family devotional!
Our latest devotional, Give Us This Day 11, is now available.Get a copy
Every month, we roll out a new resource for parents and children. To find out about these offers, why not subscribe to our email updates? Stay informed about the latest resources available, and be the first to get a copy!
1. “How is God/Christianity/the Bible relevant to my life?”
“Why do I need to go to church?”
“Why should I care about what the Bible says?
It’s got nothing to do with my life now.”
“Is Christianity relevant anymore?”
These questions often come up in our courses on faith-life integration that we give to youths and young adults. Unfortunately, many of our young participants say that they have not been able to get satisfactory answers, or even engage with fellow Christians on them.
To get started on answering such questions, we need to recognise the damaging effects of dualism that has seeped into the church. It is a worldview that sees the physical world and spiritual world as completely separate and incompatible: one is secular and sinful, while the other, sacred.
Dualism has been a powerful force in creating “Sunday Christians”—people who behave like Christians on Sundays when they go to church, and go back to their “normal” lives the rest of the week.
It has also led to a greater focus on how believers should be involved in church activities and ministries, rather than reflection on how God can grow His kingdom through our vocations.
While encouraging our children to take part in church activities is a good thing, we also need to guide them in interacting with the world and discerning God’s plans for it, and reflecting on their own role in His kingdom.
While encouraging our children to take part in church activities is a good thing, we also need to guide them in interacting with the world and discerning God’s plans for it, and reflecting on their own role in His kingdom.
One good starting point is to first ask ourselves questions about the world—and to take the time to explore the answers. For example: What does God have to do with mathematics? Does He have thoughts on economics? How can the study of science build His kingdom? Is Christian art just about crosses, doves, and lions?
Before dualism crept into the life of the church, believers used to ask such questions. And because they integrated their faith into all parts of their lives—not just on Sundays—it led them to make educational, scientific, social, and artistic breakthroughs that transformed their communities.
Many scientific discoveries and inventions came about because our Christian forefathers wanted to be redemptive changemakers in the world around them.
This faith-for-all-of-life philosophy is something we need to instil in our children. We need to show them that the spiritual and physical worlds are not separate: our faith is fully applicable to the physical world that God created. After all, this is the same world He called “very good” (Genesis 1:31), and which He is renewing through His Son (Revelation 21:1–4).
Let us endeavour to integrate our faith and life, so that we and our children can experience a greater wonder and worship of God as we view the world through His eyes.
2. “Why do I need to go to school?”
Whenever we ask students what they think or feel about school, their responses invariably go something like this: “boring”, “stressful”, “harddd”, “zzzzz”.
Some parents may simply reply to this question by telling their children that they need to study to get good grades, so that they can get a well-paying job in future.
While this may be true to some degree, we might want to reflect on our perception and understanding of education, and see how it aligns with God’s true intent for it.
To answer our child’s question more effectively, may I suggest that we reflect on how we see our work? Some of us may see our work in the same way our kids see their studies—boring, stressful, and hard. We can prayerfully ask ourselves these questions:
- What keeps us going when we are overwhelmed by stress and the seeming lack of meaning in our jobs?
- Are we so preoccupied with the “toil” of work, that we forget to think about how we are called to bring the redemptive power of Christ into our work?
- Can we see the relevance of what we do at work to building God’s kingdom?
If we can begin to see that work and education is not just a means to pay the bills but also an opportunity to be part of God’s kingdom work and to reflect His glory, our vocation will take on a new meaning—whether we’re in the classroom, office, or home.
If we can begin to see that work and education is not just a means to pay the bills but also an opportunity to be part of God’s kingdom work and to reflect His glory, our vocation will take on a new meaning—whether we’re in the classroom, office, or home.
And the more conscious we are of God as the Author of work, the more we will be able to see His organisational skills, creativity, problem-solving genius, scientific and engineering mind, and artistic hand being “distributed” among His people.
This discovery will help us explain to our children that education is not about scoring well just to get a well-paying job, but about seeing meaning and finding joy in joining the One who loves work.
During our training, we’ve witnessed more than one “aha!” moment, when students realise that school is not just about getting good grades, but about joining God in His work. As one secondary school student put it so aptly, “Studying is about equipping our minds to find out about God’s Word and world.”
3. “What should I do with my life?”
“What subjects should I choose?”
“What should I do in future?”
“What’s my calling?”
Such questions can leave us feeling like we need to give the right answer, in case we affect our children’s future.
Instead of trying to offer a specific answer, however, we can consider guiding them to explore these questions:
- What did God call all believers to do?
- What does God want to accomplish in this world?
- What is my part in God’s purposes (and not the other way round)?
We can encourage our kids to return often to the themes of God’s grand story: creation, the fall, redemption, and restoration. And we can share with them what His redemption and restoration looks like in relationships, in their studies, and in our own work. We can encourage them with real-life stories and testimonies, and open their eyes to see how God is building His kingdom.
At the same time, as we help our children review their understanding of their calling in life, we can also guide them in discovering their God-given gifts and areas of service.
Letting them try their hand at many activities at a young age is a great way. Get them to try cooking, drawing, exploring the sciences, and even organising and planning. And let them also fail at things, so that they can discover what they are good at—and what they are not.
At the same time, we need to be wary about worldly catchphrases such as “follow your dreams at any cost”, or “you can be anything you want to be”. Ultimately, our hope for our children is that they will submit themselves—and their dreams and desires—to the Lord.
Let us also keep in mind that helping our child figure out their life calling is not something that can be done in one go.
We can also cultivate in our kids the habit of serving others. We can teach and encourage them to help their grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings at home; volunteer in church ministries; and help out in the neighbourhood (there are apps linking volunteers and needy people, such as “GoodHood” and “SG Assist”). When travel restrictions ease and opportunity arises, we can also consider getting them to join overseas mission trips where they can serve with a variety of skills.
The possibilities for kids to do something for the sake of others are endless—they could draw something that brings joy to an old person, create or repair something, or even read stories to younger kids.
However, let us also keep in mind that helping our child figure out their life calling is not something that can be done in one go. Personality tests, strengths assessments, or advice to affirm giftings may help, but discerning our individual calling is an on-going activity. It is a lifelong journey of being still before God, seeking Him moment by moment, and ultimately, walking in obedience.
If we’re struggling with difficult questions from our kids, we can take heart and remember: What a blessing it is to be entrusted as the stewards and shepherds of our children’s lives!
May we prayerfully endeavour to journey with our children in answering their questions—no matter how complex or difficult—as they grow and enter each new season of their lives.
