In the gospel of Matthew, a particular mother requested this of Jesus: “Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom” (Matthew 20:21).

It was no doubt a bold request. Who was this woman? This passage does not give us her name, but because she’s introduced as the mother of Zebedee’s sons, let’s call her Mrs. Zebedee.

Not a lot is said about Mrs. Zebedee. But whatever is described of her is helpful for our consideration as parents. Even the bold request she made of Jesus can lead us to reflect: What do we ask of Jesus for our children?

Here are three insights into her life that we can consider in our role as parents.

1. Her Devotion to Jesus

In Matthew 20:20, Mrs. Zebedee “came to Jesus with her sons”, James and John, and knelt before Him. The word “knelt” is translated from proskuneo in Greek. This word literally means kneeling, bowing, and lying prostrate before another. It is a position of deep reverence and humility. In the Bible, this word usually implies a spirit and attitude of worship.

When Mrs. Zebedee proskuneo herself before Jesus, she was humbling herself before Jesus. It suggests that she recognised Him as the Messiah and God himself. So when she put her request to Jesus, she understood that Jesus was not merely a carpenter’s son, but the King in the coming kingdom.

Nothing is more important than a parent’s devotion to Jesus.

Matthew 27:55–56 tells us that Mrs. Zebedee was one of the women taking care of Jesus’ physical needs when He was crucified. Mrs Zebedee clearly knew Jesus, understood who He was, and loved Him.

As parents, it is of paramount importance that we personally know and love Jesus. Nothing is more important than a parent’s devotion to Jesus.

2. Her Desire as a Mother

Mrs. Zebedee was not only devoted to Jesus, but she also had a desire of Jesus.

She probably learnt about the coming kingdom (Matthew 20:21) when Jesus told the apostles what would happen at “the renewal of all things”—that those who followed Him would sit on 12 thrones, judging the 12 tribes of Israel (19:28). As a mother, Mrs. Zebedee wanted her two boys to be at the highest places.

As parents, it is natural to desire great things for our children. There is nothing wrong with that. The key is to know what greatness means, which leads us to the next point.

We may take a poor view of her “ambitions” and ask, “Wow, why would she ask something so selfish for her own sons?” However, Jesus never rebuked Mrs. Zebedee for this desire. In fact, He told her what it takes to be greatest in His kingdom.

As parents, it is natural to desire great things for our children. There is nothing wrong with that. The key is to know what greatness means, which leads us to the next point.

3. Her Discovery of What Greatness Means

Jesus replied: “You don’t know what you are asking . . . Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?” (Matthew 20:22).

This “cup” is a symbol of suffering (see 26:39). Jesus was saying to Mrs. Zebedee and her sons: “There is nothing wrong with wanting greatness, but do you know that it comes with suffering?”

Greatness in this world is defined by luxury, comfort, fame, and prosperity. But greatness in the kingdom of God means suffering pain and agony.

Jesus also said: “The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave” (20:25–27).

Parenting is preparing our children to suffer and to serve for Christ’s kingdom!

Again, in this world, greatness is about people dominating, ruling, and controlling others. But greatness in Christ’s kingdom is the opposite. It is seen in humble service.

Jesus ends off by saying: “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (v. 28).” If we want to be great in Christ’s kingdom, then we must be prepared to suffer and to serve. Parenting is preparing our children to suffer and to serve for Christ’s kingdom!

Greatness for Our Kids

Every parent desires greatness for his or her children. Some of us want it so much that we become “Tiger Mums”. Tiger Mums expect and exact high standards from their kids, chiefly in academic achievements.

But Mrs. Zebedee was not a Tiger Mum. She wasn’t asking for her sons to have greatness in the things of this world, or that they would be famous, rich, or comfortable. She was asking for greatness in Christ’s kingdom. She was saying, “Lord, I’m not asking that they will be great in this world. But I’m asking that they will be great in Your world.”

It is not wrong for parents to want their kids to do well in their academic pursuits. But surely our goal is not for them to get into top jobs and top careers, and forget about the kingdom of heaven.

It has been said: “As a parent, it’s my priority to help you get into heaven, not Harvard.” Is there anything wrong with going to Harvard? Or Raffles Junior College? No. If you are going to Harvard on your way to heaven, that’s okay. But not if it’s at the expense of heaven.

It is not wrong for parents to want their kids to do well in their academic pursuits. But surely our goal is not for them to get into top jobs and top careers, and forget about the kingdom of heaven.

So what if they get to Harvard? So what if they get good jobs? So what if they get as much as they can in this world? Jesus said, “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” (Mark 8:36). And 1 John 2:17 tells us: “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”

Mrs. Zebedee understood this. She chose to set her sights on that which is right. Therefore she asked Jesus: “Lord, grant my sons greatness in Your Kingdom.”

How about us? Will we pray this for our kids? That they will be great in Christ’s kingdom by suffering and service.

Parenting in Christ’s Kingdom

James eventually became the first apostle to be martyred for his faith (see Acts 12:1–2). John was banished to the island of Patmos (Revelation 1:9). It’s almost as if God deliberately allowed these two sons of Zebedee to be the bookends to the story of the apostles.

The death and exile of her sons must have hurt Mrs. Zebedee. But I’m very sure today, Mrs. Zebedee, James, and John are rejoicing that they had the privilege to suffer for Jesus.

As parents, we may find it difficult to let go of our children. There are so many things to worry about! But godly parenting means believing that it is best for my kids to follow Jesus in their lives. When we know Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour, our desire is that our kids should live for that which lasts—an eternal kingdom, and not our world today.

Godly parenting means believing that it is best for my kids to follow Jesus in their lives.

It is time to recalibrate the way we structure our kids’ lives. What do we prioritise in their activities, schedules, and routines? If our children come to us one day to say, “Mum, Dad, I know I’ve got a good degree and I could earn millions, but I want to go Africa and serve”, I hope we would be willing to let our children go.

In this world, it’s easy for us to forget what’s real and what’s not. This world will pass away, but he who does the will of God abides forever.

May God help all of us—myself included—to change the way we look at our kids. May He help us to change the way we parent. May we, by the grace of God, have children who know God’s love and love God.

And may we pray every time: “Lord, let them be part of Your kingdom and then let them be great in Your kingdom.”

This article was adapted from a sermon by Jason Lim and is used by permission.