It’s an all-too-familiar sight: two parents and their primary school-aged children perched comfortably on their seats around a table in a bustling café. It seems the idyllic moment of familial bonding: food, fellowship, and the deepening of relationships. 

However, nothing could be further from reality. 

Each one is not just distracted, but emotionally, mentally and existentially ensconced with their noses hovering a dozen inches from their smartphones. 

So exemplifies the challenge of raising children in a world where most of us carry more computing power in our back-pockets than NASA used in humankind’s first mission to the moon. 

Learning From Paul The Apostle

Paul’s example in Acts 17 and 1 Corinthians 9–10 provides incredible wisdom for the 21st century parent. 

Paul was able to preach effectively to the Jews in the synagogue, to the business people in the marketplace, and to the thought leaders in the university. 

Phone curfews, Wi-Fi blackout times, screen bans at family meal times, and an open communication channel with your children all help establish a healthy digital culture in the family.

This is because he knew each culture and setting intimately. He knew each of their worlds, was not overwhelmed by them, and engaged people with Christ effectively. 

How can we as Christian parents learn from Paul’s ways? 

As technology rapidly advances, what do we need to do to speak into the world of our children, who are digital natives? 

And, what can we do to ensure we are not overwhelmed by technology, but use it wisely, serving as good examples for our children who are watching us all the time?

Here are three suggestions:

1. Understand

The biggest mistake a parent can make amidst the seemingly endless avalanche of apps, networks and gadgets that young people use today, is to run away from them. 

As is the case with science, free-markets, democracy or television, digital technology is not immoral, but amoral. 

Accordingly, a wholesale rejection of it is illogical at best and—for us parents—negligent at worst. 

What matters is how we use it. And the extent to which we are able to use anything—from sliced bread to quantum physics—first depends on the extent to which we understand it. 

It might seem like a steep mountain to climb, but we must work hard to understand the digital technology that infuses much of our children’s lives. 

The Bible tells us that if we want credibility with our children when it comes to the technologies that drive their world, we must enter their world. Paul shares with us his example in1 Corinthians 9:19–23:

Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

Just as Paul “became all things to all people”, we too must be up with the latest trends, “so that by all possible means we might save some,” including our kids. 

From the ins and outs of Instagram and Snapchat to trending releases on Netflix to the lyrics in the songs that top Spotify’s most popular offerings, understanding the digital world is essential to parenting in the digital world.

A commitment to embracing digital technology is—thankfully—accompanied by countless benefits too. 

We can turn to reliable YouTube channels for concise explanations of specific aspects of Scripture (such as The Bible Project). 

Similarly, we have no hope of being effective as biblically driven parents in the digital age, unless we model the standards we proclaim.

We can set up WhatsApp groups with other parents to share prayer points, wisdom and struggles. 

We can use the countless Christian Spotify playlists to fill our homes with background music. 

We can follow podcasts and blogs from trusted sources that deal with issues that are relevant to us and our children. 

These are just a few of the ways we enjoy the digital world in our household, and these benefits and others await us all, but we must first be willing to embrace and understand digital technology.

2. Balance

When it comes to digital engagement, parenting shares parallels with ice-skating, gymnastics, and stock market finance—it’s all about balance and risk. 

As we seek to understand the ins and outs of digital technology and acknowledge its benefits, we must also understand its risks. 

Data shows that the over-use of digital screen technology can have a negative cognitive impact on attention, detract from a person’s capacity to engage in verbal conversation, and can negatively affect sleep. 

All families are different and all children are different. Accordingly, getting the right balance on digital media will vary. 

With this in mind, there are various options available that can be both sensible and biblical without being unduly stifling. 

Phone curfews, Wi-Fi blackout times, screen bans at family meal times, and an open communication channel with your children all help establish a healthy digital culture in the family.

For digital technology to function as a blessing, it must be understood to be like an instrument in the orchestra rather than as the conductor.

In addition, protection measures like protective internet walls, anti-spyware programmes, and child-protection apps and internet software are all helpful ways to mitigate the risks of digital engagement.

A helpful tip that we heard recently, on a Christian podcast, suggested that it is never too early to plan out your child’s introduction to technology. 

Consider at what age you want your child to start interacting with digital technology, such as electronic toys, pretend phones, old smartphones with no data connection, then tablets and ultimately smartphones.

Ultimately, educating ourselves and our kids on the risks and benefits of digital technology will lay the best foundation from which to build a digitally engaged but digitally healthy family culture. 

3. Put Into Practice

It was Mahatma Gandhi who famously said, “I like their Christ, I don’t like their Christians.” Sadly, his opinion was well-founded. 

There is arguably no greater damage done to the Christian message than by Christians failing to act like our Christ. 

Similarly, we have no hope of being effective as biblically driven parents in the digital age, unless we model the standards we proclaim. 

Our children must know that they are more important to us than our work, our social networks and our phones. 

We cannot expect our kids to honour a screen-ban at mealtimes while we continue to sneak a look at our work email when we think no one is looking. 

When it comes to digital engagement, parenting shares parallels with ice-skating, gymnastics, and stock market finance—it’s all about balance and risk.

We cannot expect our kids to understand the importance of face to face communication when we spend more time scrolling our Facebook feed than we do speaking with our spouse.

We must be explicit in our efforts to be Christ-like and to acknowledge our inconsistency when we should have been fully present with our children but were instead distracted by our phones. 

We are not called to perfection but to honesty and heartfelt effort. 

Conclusion

We have a moral responsibility as well as a practical one to enter our children’s worlds but not to be consumed by them—“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2). 

Understanding technology and taking steps to protect our families from its risks are important. 

However, both are pointless if we are not maintaining close and trust-filled relationships with our children with open communication lines. 

This is the foundation on which our families can navigate the maze of cutting-edge technology. 

It might seem like a steep mountain to climb, but we must work hard to understand the digital technology that infuses much of our children’s lives.

In an authentic family environment of imperfection, honesty and love, we can usefully harness technology while protecting our families. 

We can guard their hearts (Proverbs 4:23), be bold amidst uncertainty (John 16:33, Joshua 1:9), and help them to see how digital health is part of God’s plan for their lives (Proverbs 22:6, Deuteronomy 6:7).

For digital technology to function as a blessing, it must be understood to be like an instrument in the orchestra rather than as the conductor. 

As parents, it is our job to ensure that it enhances our lives without detracting from a biblical family culture.